Comfortable in Uncertainty

I was having a conversation the other day about life, purpose, and gifts. The question was asked of me ‘what’s your why?’. I answered broadly, a political correct type of answer. After the conversation I pondered on the question some more, what is my why? I thought I knew but lately I’ve been going back and forth with myself about operating in my gift. I’ve wondered if it is really worth it. Who am I helping? Is anyone listening/reading? Do anyone care? Sometimes I go back and read some things that I’ve written and minister to myself. The words sometimes remind me of what I’ve overcome and experiences that have shaped me. It’s therapeutic for me but is it helping anyone else? While in meditation I asked God what is my why? He answered by reminding me that He gave me the gift. Therefore He’s my why. My why is to serve Him. Sometimes I get mangled. It’s hard to stay the course when I’m constantly being pushed around by life. Fear, doubt, anxiety, and worry have bullied me into a corner. They have beat me into submission. I have started and stopped more than I can recall. It’s been a battle. 
What is it like watching others pursue their goals while you sit on the sidelines? I’ll tell you, a slow painful death. I’m waiting for my turn, my opportunity, my shot but I’m writing as if it’s already happened for me. 
I don’t want to die in the nest. I have to go for it even if I’m not sure what it is. But where do I start? How do I began? (Shoulder shrug)